Oh how the time has passed. 5 years or 1,835 days, 260 weeks, 60 months, 43,800 hours, 2,628,000 minutes, 157,680,000 seconds. 5 years. That is when I got the news. That is when I knew I would not be the same. That is when I knew you were gone. It has been 5 years with the void that I have in my heart because you left. It has been half a decade since I was faced with such a pain that I have never experienced before, an emotional toll, a burden on my life. It has been 1,835 days since I saw your face, heard your voice, watched you smile, gave you a hug, listened to your advice. It has been 260 weeks that I have had to talk about you in the past tense “ My dad was”, “My dad had” “My dad used to”. It has been 60 months since I have had to visit your grave instead of visiting you. It has been 43,800 hours since I have been known as a suicide loss survivor, a person who lives with grief, a statistic. It has been 2,628,000 minutes since I felt whole, normal, like I wasn’t some fragile person, like I could handle my feelings, since I felt that I was not just a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt. It has been 157,680,000 seconds since my dad died, since he left me behind, since he passed on his pain to me, since he took his life. It has been 5 years.
-Coramarie Gaumer